I Am The Cheese

I am not the most popular person right now.

I'm interning at a charter high school in center city, working with a fairly incredible group of kids in pretty impossible situations. The challenge is good, and I look forward to spending time with the kids each time I walk into the building. It's valuable work.

Having worked as a school-based mental health consultant at a high school for five years myself, I know the ropes of high school mental health well. I am confident in my abilities to do what's necessary for the kiddos, and generally I know what that is. I worked under an incredible supervisor in my position at Great Valley, and honestly have no want/need for someone to fill those shoes. My approach is somewhat arrogant, I know, but really it comes down to: just let me do the work.

Of course, this is not making me any friends. I'm winning no popularity points at my internship. The counseling director where I am placed has now requested to meet with me weekly to help guide my education; as he and I have disagreed on more than one occasion about how best to address a problem, I believe this to be a way to keep dibs on me, more than anything else.

My direct supervisors are genuinely great people, and I like them very much. But they are trying to lay low to remain in the good graces of the school staff, and any waves that I make impact them, and so they are always asking me in various ways to please just stay out of things, or please just don't say anything. And then I say something, and I know, once again, that I am NOT making friends.

This situation is hard. I'm back in school because I needed a license and wanted a more versatile degree, but I already have a Master's degree in the social sciences and I've been practicing for almost ten years - in  high schools, in nonprofits, in outpatient, in inpatient, as a crisis counselor, in  hospitals, in my own private practice...I've been PRACTICING. And I feel like someone's taking away my right to do so, because of this weird intern/student label, and I'm pissed, and I'm defensive, and I'm upset. And, I suspect, mildly to moderately unfriendly.

In this, there is learning, always learning, but less about how to do this job and more about who I am in the context of this job. I take my craft seriously, and I am good at it. I am a hard worker and a loyal advocate to my clients. But. I think I am also intimidating, and maybe a vaguely bad team player. And in being direct and resolved, I am not very gregarious or fun. I think that's a big piece of me, as practitioner. And coming to grips with that reality is, I think, the most important thing grad school has taught me so far. And that's all for now.